Deseret News: LDS and Single
Link to article--http://deseretnews.com/dn/print/1,1442,660207500,00.html
My response:
To The Editor(s):
I read with interest your report of 31 March regarding LDS single adults.... The article accurately touched on a number of reasons why marriage may be delayed for some, as well as the concerns shared by some Church leaders. Nevertheless, I desire to share further observations. Three challenges in particular come to mind.
1. Single adult converts. President Hinckley observed during the Priesthood session of the last conference that of the entire Church membership, about one out of four are converts who were baptized during his presidency. Here, two things must be observed. First, converts are in the process of learning things about the Gospel that others have known most of their lives. Second, many join the Church at a time when it is too late for them to serve missions. In contrast, many potential companions specifically look for returned missionaries with a lifetime of spiritual experience.
2. Geography. Many saints live in areas where there are relatively few members, fewer who are active, and even fewer who hold a recommend. Since the objective is finding an eternal companion, and not simply to get married, the bar has to be set very high. But the result is that it becomes extremely difficult to find someone who shares the same values and standards as yourself.
3. Personality. No quarrel is taken with the idea that traditional dating activities are preferred. But it must be understood that not everyone is prepared for events such as dances, socials, or singles conferences. For example, if a person is shy, a dance activity may prove to be very painful. Stated differently, there should not be a one-size-fits-all approach to programs intended to promote dating, and that the unique characteristics of each member should be taken into account.
For these reasons, the increased use of online dating services should not come as a surprise. Even with the weaknesses they may have, I would submit that its biggest strength is its ability to quickly bring people together across geographic boundaries, especially in places where there are relatively few active saints.
Allow me to mention one thing in closing. While I was a single adult, I visited nearly a dozen states and travelled as far north as Canada, using both traditional and non-traditional activities, before I was able into enter into temple marriage. In the end, success came not because I used a specific method of dating, but because the two of us were prayerful, and we each had received independent personal revelation. That, to me, is the critical link, no matter what else might be done. --SJR
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